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CELEBRITY JOKES
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When Bill Gates was a young lad he had a pet crow
When Bill Gates was a young lad he had a pet crow. He tried teaching the bird to speak, introducing a new word each day. To his disappointment his black friend would not utter a sound, until finally one day the bird jumped up on his perch and blurted "Bill Gates, you will be the richest man in the world some day!" Bill was totally astonished. He needed to hear more, but the bird would not say another word. Bill decided to seek professional help. He went to see a Gypsy tea reader. The old lady looked into the tea leaves and exclaimed, "yes Bill Gates you will be the richest man in the world if you do this one simple thing!" Bill could hardly contain himself as he ran home. The next morning as Bill's mother came down for breakfast she found Bill cooking something on the stove. " What are you doing, young man?" she asked. "Well Mother, remember what Blackie told me the other day?" "Yes Bill, but what are you cooking?" "Well," said Bill, "I went to see the Gypsy tea reader and she confirmed what the bird told me!" "Wow, that's great!" said his mother, "But what is in the pot?" "Well, the gypsy lady told me that I needed to do one small thing to get my wealth!" "Yes Bill but why are you cooking?" "Well.... She told me I had to make MY CROW SOFT!!!!!!!!!"
Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny
Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay. Superman then tells him that he couldn't do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away. Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he's swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about. He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she'll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and id 4 seconds he's back in the air flying away. Wonder Woman looks up and says "What was that?" Invisible Man says: "I don't know but my ass hurts!"
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.
A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage
A man was walking in the woods and came to a cottage where the walls were covered with clocks. He asked the woman who owned the cottage what all the clocks were for. She replied that everyone in the world had a clock, and every time you told a lie your clock advanced a second. He saw a clock that was hardly moving and when he remarked about it he was told that it was Mother Terisia's. He then asked where Bill Clinton's clock was. The woman replied "It's in the kitchen, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
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